


Clean

by DoulaMom



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 04:58:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16319567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoulaMom/pseuds/DoulaMom
Summary: The first conversation Abby and Marcus have after Abby gets clean.For Day 1 of Abby Griffin Daily's Four Day Fall Fest- Day 1: Favorite moment from season 5





	Clean

She packed up the last of the materials in the briefcase. Immensely thankful to be finished, after a grueling few days, but also happy. She'd made it through this first trial. She'd survived. Again. She hadn't thought she'd come out on the other side of addiction again. She'd been sure that the bunker would take everything she had. Take Marcus. Take her life. But they'd survived. And she was clean. For good.

And then she saw it. One red pill.

She bent to pick it up, her hand shaking slightly. She wanted to scream at it. _How dare you! After everything I've been through. I'm clean! Not going back again! Leave me the fuck alone!_

But she steadied herself. This will not beat me again. I am in control. I choose my life. I don't need this anymore. 

She held it in her palm, and this time, its weight didn't crush her into the floor. It was only a pill. Nothing she hadn't handled thousands of times before. She heard the door close, heard the heavy thump of his boots in the doorway. Her heart pounded in her chest. Clean. She was clean again. And he was here. She turned to face him.

"McCreary said you'd finished." his voice was like a balm to her soul, and she breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of him.

"122 procedures in 5 days. Without pills." her voice was steady again. He could hear the spark in her tone. Like she used to have. Before.

"I heard that too." he smiled, and her eyes softened. 

He was bursting with joy. But he didn't want to spook her. To overwhelm her too fast. He didn't know how this was supposed to go. He could cross the room in two long strides. Take her in his arms, burying his face in her soft hair. He could promise to never let her go again, as his arms wrapped around her small frame. But he didn't know if that was what she wanted anymore. He didn't know if he deserved her forgiveness, if she even had any left to offer. And he was so weary. 

"Where's Clarke? I'd like to thank her for helping you, when I couldn't." his voice was clear, but she could hear the slight tremble when he said I couldn't. Like it was his fault it all fell apart again. Like he couldn't save her. From McCreary. From the pills. From herself. 

"I asked her and Madi to sleep at the church tonight. So we could talk." _and maybe something else_ , her mind supplied. But she didn't know anymore. She didn't know if he still wanted her after that devastating choice she'd had to make. But she had chosen him. She was clean now. She just couldn't do it on his timeline. She had to take the final step on her own.

She almost lost herself in the memory. The last time she got clean, in the bunker. She wondered if he was thinking of it too.

_His hands roamed her body, almost reverently, lighting up nerves she'd sworn had died long ago. His mouth was everywhere, mumbling against her skin. "God, Abby. I've missed you." He punctuated each sentence with a kiss. "I've missed this. So much."_

_"Me too." she groaned as he pressed harder against her._

She crossed the room, willing him to meet her eyes. He almost spoke, but then shook his head slightly.

"I know that look. What's wrong?" she asked, imploring him to tell her the truth.

"McCreary won't accept Wonkru's surrender. They're all gonna get wiped out. And I told them how to do it." he sunk into the chair, the weight of another massacre threatening to crush him entirely.

"And I gave them the ability to." she added, almost laughed at the bitter irony. Had they really ever though they could be the good guys. That they could change. They'd almost had it once, but it slipped through their fingers like grains of sand.

"I'm just so tired of having to choose the least...the least bad option. Octavia, McCreary. Starvation or..." _cannibals, his mind taunted. You're cannibals._

"First we survive, then we get our humanity back. You told me that. Remember?" she reached for his hand, the touch gentle, but sparks pulsed through her blood. To have him so near again almost overwhelmed her senses.

"A long time ago." she smiled, willing him back from this newest devastation. To her. Here.

He pulled his hand away, her body instantly reacting to the loss. But she pulled back as well. He needed space to sort this out. 

"We'll get there." she reassured gently.

He scrubbed his hands over his forehead, hiding from this pain for a moment.

She needed to get rid of this damn pill. Burn it before he even had the chance to think that she was going to go back again. She needed a fresh start. They both did. 

She stood, taking advantage of his momentary distraction, walking to the surgery table. She took a deep breath, and pulled the two halves of the pill apart. She tipped the capsules, the powder flowing out, blending into the sheet and dropping to the floor. Harmless. Relief swept through her. I am stronger than this, she repeated in her mind. 

She turned back to him, determined to free him, even for a moment, from whatever form of self imposed torture he'd soon exact.

"Marcus." her voice startled him out of his contemplation, and he looked up at her, worry etching deeper lines in his skin. 

She crossed back to him, kneeled and removed his hands from his face. She implored him with her eyes to let go of this fight, to be with her in this moment.

"I'm here." she spoke quietly, taking his hands in hers, pulling him into her. He followed willingly, swallowing her in his embrace. He held her so tightly, she almost believed he could will them somewhere else just with the power of his mind. Somewhere safe.

"Come to bed with me Marcus, just let me hold you." she was gentle, but firm, rising as she said the words. 

She led him to the bed, bending to tug on the straps of her boots, while he quickly toed his off. He looked at her with such uncertainty that she placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing gently, guiding him to lie down. As she followed him down, he seemed to snap out of a fog, and he pulled her gently into his arms. He buried his face in her soft hair, letting her scent invade all his senses. He sighed, a shaky breath fighting its way out of his throat. He could taste relief, lying in her arms again. It was overwhelming, and so much more than he deserved. The effort of keeping himself away from her had taken its toll, and he clung to her for dear life. 

She rubbed soothing fingers along his back as he began to cry, silently at first, then heavy wracking sobs as the weight he'd taken on himself finally lifted away. He gripped her tightly, his fingers clawing at her back, as if he couldn't keep her close enough. Suddenly he pulled back, startling her, staring into her eyes.

"I'm sorry Abby. I'm so sorry. I should have never made you choose." his voice caught, and tears still streamed down his face.

"Shush. It's ok. I know you had to. It's ok, Marcus." she breathed, running her fingers along his beard.

"It's not ok. I can't lose you, Abby. I can't." he buried his face against her shoulder, leaving streaks of wetness as he shook his head.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." she urged him with a gentle hand on his neck to meet her eyes again.

She pulled his head down to hers, brushing their lips together. She needed to feel him. She could only hope he felt the same. He kissed her back gently, their lips meeting over and over. He swiped his tongue along her lower lip, making her groan, and tangled his fingers in her hair, pulling her flush against him.

It was glorius. Heat bloomed in her veins, rushing through her body as she pressed against him. She was certain now. 

His kiss was like coming home, and the bliss that surged through her as his lips parted to let her tongue slip into his mouth was better than any high she'd had on the pills. She deepened it, sucking gently on his lower lip. He was everything, and in this moment, it seemed as though no one could reach them. They were safe in their own small moment of peace.


End file.
